When I was an actor in NYC right out of Undergrad
(more years ago than I would like to count, thank you very much) I, even now, distinctly remember how I felt after a few years in
"the business." Disclaimer: I am not speaking of anyone's experience but my own. When, after pounding the pavement and doing everything I thought I could to make things happen for myself and
still not succeeding in the way I had
pictured, in the time frame I
wanted, in the plays that I
liked...I grew kind of resentful. As a result...I stopped loving my neighbor: meaning...my fellow actors & friends. I was so
me-centric, insecure and dumb that I completely lost the joy of my friends' successes. I was young, yes and had some growing up to do, but when a success for them started to register as a failure for
me, I knew something was very wrong with my thinking. That wasn't how I wanted to exist in the world. I had grown increasingly desperate, jealous, unhappy and self absorbed; and no fun to be around. So I made a change. I stepped back, saw myself for who I was becoming, didn't like it, took a hiatus and moved to Colorado.
(that story is for another day) This is all by way of saying...while I still struggle with measuring up to my own expectations of myself as a photographer and as human in general, I am far happier these days. I have mentors who intimidate the heck out of me, but I no longer feel resentful or angry because I recognize that everyone's path is different. I no longer look at my career as a race. I made the choice, when I started this career to "know better and do better" this time around. I am a grown up now and recognize that a life filled with rejoicing in the success of others, colleagues and otherwise, is
way better than the alternative. Thank goodness I figured it out! enjoy*
This is the fun, fabulously freckled, fashionista-
Erin O'Neill : Greenville, SC Wedding photographer. You will see her again soon when I do my series about Second Shooting. She is a rockstar and second shot something like 35 weddings all over the country this year! We met at Bootcamp in Atlanta with
Liana Lehman Hall - which I will also talk about soon. Don't you just want to go water skiing with her! (she's a champ at it)
oh yeah...and I am ready to do a play again just for fun- in case anyone wants to cast me in
PROOF or
CYMBELINE.
:)
cheers*
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